A recurring pattern in Musk's relationships, both romantic and professional, is a tendency towards intense conflict and drama. He appears drawn to partners who share his inclination for a heightened emotional environment.
His second wife, Talulah Riley, observed: “I think he wasn’t conscious of how that still affected him… But he’s retained a childlike, almost stunted side. Inside the man, he’s still there as a child, a child standing in front of his dad.” This astute observation highlights how Musk’s challenging childhood, particularly the strained relationship with his father, continues to influence his behavior in intimate relationships.
His romantic partnerships, often characterized by passionate beginnings and tumultuous endings, reflect a pattern of seeking connection while struggling to maintain harmony. Justine Musk, his first wife, describes their dynamic as “combative”: "I don’t think you can be in a relationship with Elon and not argue.”
Musk's intensity also extends to his professional relationships. He thrives in high-pressure environments, setting unrealistic deadlines and pushing his teams relentlessly. While this approach has yielded remarkable achievements, it also creates friction and can lead to burnout and departures among those who can’t sustain his demanding pace.
Despite his often abrasive demeanor, Musk fiercely values loyalty and forms deep bonds with individuals who demonstrate competence, dedication, and a willingness to embrace his hardcore work ethic.
He has described his management style as prioritizing mission over personal affection: "It’s not your job to make people on your team love you… In fact, that’s counterproductive.” This statement, though stark, reflects his belief that the ultimate goal is to achieve ambitious outcomes, even if it requires sacrificing interpersonal harmony.
However, those who enter Musk’s inner circle often experience a different dynamic. Max Levchin, a cofounder of PayPal, observes that "He turns on his irony flamethrower and creates this sense of exclusive Elon Club membership." This statement captures the camaraderie and shared sense of humor that can develop among those who are able to navigate Musk’s particular brand of irony and navigate his intensity.
Musk’s struggle to share control is a defining characteristic that has manifested in both his business ventures and his personal relationships. His difficulty ceding authority has led to clashes with CEOs, partners, and even family members.
At his wedding to Justine, he whispered to her: "I am the alpha in this relationship.” This revealing statement highlights his need to dominate, even in intimate settings.
This pattern is also evident in his business dealings. He has been ousted from leadership roles at both Zip2 and PayPal, companies he co-founded, due to his unwillingness to relinquish control. He later admitted that he learned a valuable lesson: “I never wanted to be a CEO… but I learned that you could not truly be the chief technology or product officer unless you were the CEO.”
His acquisition of Twitter in 2022 provides a compelling case study. He initially considered joining the board but quickly decided that wouldn’t give him enough authority. “I began to believe that Twitter was heading off a cliff and that I couldn’t save it by just being a board member,” he reflected. "So I thought, maybe I should just buy it, take it private, and fix it.”
Despite his often detached demeanor and struggle for control, Musk craves connection and expresses a deep aversion to being alone. This fundamental need drives him to seek out relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners, even when those relationships are tumultuous or challenging.
As a child, he simply stated: "I never want to be alone.” This yearning for connection, stemming from a lonely childhood, persists throughout his life.
His family often rallies around him, recognizing his emotional needs. His mother, Maye Musk, notes: “He gets lonely… He loves to have family around and we have to do that for him… because he’s under so much stress.”